I'm a psychologist

Release time：2024-05-22 00:10:10 Source：Stellar Spectrum news portal

A psychologist has revealed the hidden ways that an abusive partner may be manipulating you into staying with them. 

Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Hampshire, took to her TikTok to address those who may be stuck in an unhealthy relationship.   

She often speaks about mental health online, with videos on how to build your confidence, why you may be procrastinating, and the signs that you might have anxiety. 

In one clip, she talked about six key signs people should watch out for in their partners.

The expert started by saying that abusers will often try to draw your attention away from your friends and family to isolate you. 

Dr Julie Smith, took to her TikTok to address those who may be stuck in an abusive relationship

'They remove any outside perspectives so theirs is the only narrative you get to hear, she said.

The medical professional added that they switch moods easily, often going from affectionate to aggressive.

This can lead to victims feeling confused about whether the relationship they're in is normal, healthy and good. 

The next warning sign is if your partner makes you feel insecure and as though you cannot achieve anything without them. 

'They chip away at your confidence and your own intelligence and your capacity to do things so you start to question whether you can even function without them,' Dr Smith explained.

Another red flag of a manipulative relationship is if they limit access to your money and monitor your spending. 

'It makes it feel almost impossible to leave,' Dr Smith added. 

The fifth sign of a controlling abuser is if they threaten to harm themselves or you. Dr Smith added that this can be a powerful way to trap victims and prevent them from leaving.

Dr Julie Smith said abusive partners may act charming if they feel like you're going to leave them 

The clip has been viewed almost 600,000 times and has racked up hundreds of comments from users

The psychologist went on to reveal the sixth red flag, which is when the person you're in a relationship with starts making promises to change.

She added that they will only tend to do this if they feel threatened that their victim might leave them. 

'The abuse is replaced with the charm and the love you saw at the beginning of the relationship, you want to believe it can get better, so you give it another go. But the cycle continues.'

She captioned the TikTok post: 'For those who find themselves wanting to leave a relationship and blaming themselves for finding it hard to break away, it’s never been as easy as you tell yourself it should be. 

'If your partner is using any combination of these manipulations, you will be more isolated, vulnerable, and confused about how best to proceed. 

'Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because that is the effect these behaviours have on most people.'

She added that finding a form of support is 'crucial' and said this might be a friend, trusted family member or professional. 

The clip has been viewed almost 600,000 times and has racked up hundreds of comments from users. 

One wrote: '[That]'s] why I divorced him! I’m free.'

Another added: 'This applies to abusive managers at work. They will isolate you, keep you so busy and prevent you looking for something better. Glad I resigned.' 

'I lost my job and destroyed my career,' a third confessed. 'Please be confident and leave at the first spark of this manipulation.'

A fourth commented: ''Thank you so much for making me understand.'

• If you need to speak to somebody, you can call the Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time.

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